Welcome to another gilded edition of ‘Self-Improvement Sunday.’ The only weekly newsletter which is more prepared for the future than the rest all of us combined. This week we’re talking about 1) Unresolved Issues, 2) The constipated practice of Self-love, and 3) Finding a safe place to address your feelings.

Let’s get on it.

#1: Unresolved Issues

Here’s a common sob story. A girl cheats a boy. The boy is broken. He loses his faith in the world and can not trust anyone. He begins to judge every other girl through that same prism and feels every girl is selfish and mean. These feelings smother beneath the surface and help him to fuck his next romantic relationship. And the next. And the one after as well. He carries these unaddressed unresolved feelings into his marriage and well, as you would guess, fucks again.

It’s only after his divorce that someone from his family suggests visiting a therapist. And the therapist helps him to observe a pattern in all his romantic relationships that leads back to his first affair.

We all have some sort of unresolved issues or unaddressed feelings lingering on either from a bad relationship or a traumatic childhood or maybe due to any other unwanted incident. These unresolved issues cling to us like wet clothes and impact our everyday behavior. The unaddressed feelings smother beneath the surface and whence erupt, cause drama, friction, and strife in all of our relationships.

Such unresolved feelings leave scars too deep in our lives and these scars can bleed us dry. Therefore, it is necessary to heal the wounds. And the best way to do that is by addressing them directly.

If you can observe a pattern in your behavior, then most likely, you have unresolved issues that need to be addressed.

Suppressing our emotions and feelings is unhealthy for our mental and emotional wellbeing. We need to let our feelings breathe in the open. The more we allow them out, the less power they’ll hold over us. Talking with friends and family or someone else you trust can be really helpful.

However, most of us do not address our issues or feelings directly. We dodge, we dug, we avoid.

We distract ourselves. And this brings me to the second point.

#2: The constipated practice of Self-love

In our world, which is socially dominated rather than focused on building healthy values, the moment you’re hurt, you can scroll feed on Instagram or Facebook and be bombarded by thousands of meaningless self-love quotes that will click to you instantly.

“Please love yourself, even on the days when you aren’t fulfilling your own expectations.” – @fairysforum

One can almost be forgiven for being lulled. Such quotes are generally intended to make us feel better in the short-term, and they do. They do their job too damn well and the patient feels he found paradise.

Nothing beats the shit out of me like meeting a person who screwed up something because of his insecurities and instead of taking responsibility, prefers playing the victim card.

There is just too much bullshit around self-love on social media but let’s clear some of it. Self-love doesn’t mean obliging all whims and fancies of one’s heart. It doesn’t mean buying a bunch of crap, pampering oneself, or only doing exciting things. It does not mean sunbathing in Goa while you have absolutely no clue about your career.

Self-love means adhering to the correct and healthy values, no matter how difficult it is. It means doing things, not for the sake of feeling good, but merely because it is the right thing to do. It means getting out of bed on time. Self-love means discipline. It means dealing with difficult situations directly instead of avoiding them. Self-love means taking responsibility for your own problems. It means providing a healthy space for your feelings and talking to someone if you need to.

#3: Finding a safe place to address your feelings

Not all of us have a luxury of a trusted confidant with whom we can speak about anything. Someone we can discuss our feelings with and someone we trust will guide us appropriately. It is normal to feel reluctant to open up to a friend or a family member.

I have been at a similar crossroads in life, and it took me more than two years to address my unresolved feelings. Reflecting upon that time, I can admit that my unresolved issues caused a lot of damage and strife in my life. It was only after addressing them that I found clarity.

There are many ways to address and reflect upon one’s feelings. You can develop a habit of writing a journal. This is slow but definitive work to improve and get better. Something I tried for myself and worked like a charm.

Other than that, you can always go for professional help and care. There are hundreds of therapists specialized in various streams of emotional and mental health.

Further, I also conduct personal consultations from time to time. They are free of cost, and anyone can request a session. The sessions are mostly conducted virtually and you can also request a confidentiality agreement pertaining to any privacy concerns.

If you’re not much inclined towards spending hundreds of dollars every week on therapy, you’re most welcome to request a session with me!

Just fill-up the form at the end of this page to place a request along with a short message describing what you need to discuss and wait for my response.

(Note: – If you find this newsletter helpful then, please forward it to someone you think can benefit from it. If you’re someone who has received this email as a forward, then you can subscribe to this newsletter here. Also, you can read all the previous editions of this newsletter on the website here.)

See you next week,

Aashish

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